How to Have the First Conversation
A Simple Guide for Families
You want to help—but where do you start? Many families worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing too hard, or making things worse. Here’s how to approach the first conversation with confidence.
Step 1: Check Your Own Emotions First
Before talking to your loved one, take a moment to pause and reflect.
Are you approaching this from fear and frustration or care and concern?
Your goal isn’t to control their choices—it’s to open the door for conversation.
“When people feel backed into a corner, they shut down. A real conversation starts with curiosity, not pressure.”
–Dr. Kima Taylor
Step 2: Lead with Connection, Not Judgment
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, focus on how they’re feeling.
Try opening with:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed stressed lately—how are you doing?”
“I care about you, and I just want to check in.”
“If you ever feel like talking, I’m here.”
Avoid:
“You need to stop drinking/using.” (They will likely shut down.)
“You’re ruining your life.” (Shame makes people retreat.)
“People don’t get better by being shamed. They get better when they feel safe enough to talk about what’s really happening.”
–Dr. Greg Hobelmann
Step 3: Keep the Door Open
Your loved one may not be ready to talk today—and that’s okay. Let them know you’ll be there when they are.
“It’s not about getting them to ‘admit’ anything today. It’s about letting them know they’re not alone.”
–Dr. Kristine Hitchens
Next Step: If They’re Open to Talking, You Can Say…
“I found some options that might help—would you want to look at them together?”
“Would it help to talk to someone who’s been through this?”